I am counting down to my actual due date because if it's any longer than that I can begin a fresh count down at that time. Maybe it will only be two more weeks!
I took Ron with me to the latest doctor's appointment. I finally got to see my doctor again! They have been having me meet with all the other doctors in the practice since no one knows who will be delivering... so I hadn't seen my doctor since before Christmas. Seems like awhile ago...
I was a bit nervous. We had made out a birth plan with our doula and I wasn't sure how Dr. Patterson would respond about some of our ideas (nothing too over the top, I assure you!). Overall, however, it went really well. She was really open to most of what we wanted, and we were able to compromise on a couple points. I do think we may have "issues" if she ends up wanting to induce me. We kind of said we'd talk about that if it came.
Here's my qualm. She told me that she thinks the baby is about 7 lbs now. She doesn't want him to get too big to be delivered normally, so she's very much going to push me to induce if I'm a week late. I'm sure she would be telling me sooner except that she knows how much I don't want to. Then in the next breath, she tells us honestly that they really can never tell how much a baby weighs (which I have gathered as much from my own reading). So... from her perspective the weight is an issue we can just head off with medical intervention, I get it. (Even if we don't really know what he weighs. Even if I was designed to deliver him that way anyway. Probably because I might sue her for some reason, they always have to think about that.) From my perspective, if there is nothing to indicate the baby is in distress, why induce? Even if it's a big baby, the only reason he shouldn't "fit" would most likely be some other medical issue, like I have a friend who broke her tailbone as a child. She literally can't have a baby naturally, but for a real reason! If a baby seriously wouldn't fit, you wouldn't know it until that time was upon you, no matter how big or little the baby was. I think it's ridiculous to assume otherwise before giving my body a chance. It encouraged me the other day when I was reminded that my wonderful mother delivered several big babies (one a 10 pounder) and did it all without medication or intervention. Three cheers for Mom! (or rather, eight:)
I'll get off my soap box now, but these are some of the things I've been thinking about. We have already been praying (as i know others are for us, as well) and believing for a healthy delivery and a healthy baby! I hope I won't have to stand up to my doctor on the induction issue (I don't always enjoy being assertive, just sometimes!) but I will try to not worry about that now. Each day has enough trouble of its own, no?
Some good things that came out of the doctor's appointment!
• She was very open to some things we weren't sure she would be (such as non-traditional positioning for delivery, depending on what I feel the most comfortable with) and encouraged us in the natural birth that we want.
• She just got done delivering a baby for a lady that had Sondra (our doula) as her doula. They worked well together, and she had nothing but nice things to say about Sondra. This was completely God-orchestrated. It's very unlikely that Sondra (who only attends about an average of one birth a month these days) would have just been at a birth with my doctor, who, when I first brought up the subject of possibly hiring a doula, thought it was a bad idea and highly discouraged it, even acting like it just shouldn't happen in a hospital setting... So, we've come a long way.
• We were able to compromise on some points, so everyone is happy! (exactly what I always want, but ah, we don't live in a perfect world, do we?)
• In the past, I have felt some personality conflict with my doctor. I am really starting to feel more comfortable with her in general now.
• After much reading and thinking, I am feeling more in control. Not that I won't always take my doctor's advice. I appreciate her knowledge, and she is very skilled. I just feel like I've actually taken the time to educate myself and get to know more what I'm comfortable with. I don't want to ever be scared into an induction or a c-section if those things aren't necessary. I don't think my doctor would intentionally do that, actually, but she is also more biased to use those means for delivery since she's thinking about lawsuits and what might be surgically safe or easier or less time consuming... I feel like I know more options now, and like my doctor respects that. I see the points that she is willing to bend on and think to myself... if I didn't ask for that, she would've just told me something else based on just her opinion and I would've thought that was the only option.
Just preparing for whatever comes our way, but trusting the Lord to give us a healthy son in the long run! And a healthy delivery, I just also know He wants me to study and be ready, to understand the process. Probably in doing all this I am making myself calmer and will have a much better birth as a result!
Another good thing that happened long before this appointment. Ron is totally on my side :) I mean, he always was, but he also took the time to get more educated about our options, mostly because I dragged him to birthing class! (he loved it, actually). So I think we both just feel good now heading into labor, and in the moment we are prepared to review our options rather than freak out if the doctor tells us something we don't want to hear. If there is a real emergency, we are both very happy to be in a setting that can aid us and with a capable doctor. If they give us time to consider our options, it's not an emergency in the true sense of the word, and we have more freedom, not fear. Having Ron backing my every decision and equipped with more knowledge about the birth process so he feels comfortable with things is priceless. Also, we have Sondra! We are both excited about that, and feel like we will be a bit more grounded having her there to help us and to encourage both of us as I try to labor without medication or interventions. Since we are first-timers, we feel much more vulnerable than maybe we need to, and since we want to deliver in a hospital for safety reasons, it helps us to be equipped with more knowledge about our options and to have Sondra there to remind me that I don't really want pain meds :) But even there, we have gone over the options ahead of time if I really come to a breaking point. I am going to push myself, though. Who likes pain? But some things are worth it.
Guess I got back on my soap box a little. Hopefully it has been interesting to hear what we think about our coming birth, and a bit of how we are planning to handle it. I don't ever mean to offend those women who did choose pain meds or who end up having a cesarean. I'm doing my best to avoid these things because I think it is the best way. I'm not out there to prove to some other woman just how fabulous I am if I can go all natural. I want the experience because I think it is the best possible option. I want to prove to myself that I can do this, which will only give me more courage about other things in life later on. And I want to be one of those women who encourage others to try natural, as well, not in a superior manner but by telling them how great it really was. How good birth can be! That's what my sister did for me! go Sarah! If she hadn't talked with me about it, I may have not thought through a lot of the things that are now important to me. Mainstream America doesn't teach us that it's ok and even good to let our bodies show us what to do during birth... So a lot of women maybe just don't think about some of their options.
Ah, but keep praying for me! I haven't done it yet :) I figure I have some endurance in me, it feels like I'm getting ready for a marathon. At the end of it all, Ron and I will be relaxing at home (or haggard from no sleep), dreamily staring at that little boy that God miraculously helped us create together.
No matter how the birth goes, how beautiful is that?
