growing

So much is changing and happening. Ron and I are very excited about our new little baby growing inside of me. We continue to pray for strength and health for our little guy. That's what Ron calls the baby. I'm not sure yet if we're going to decide to learn what sex the baby is. A lot of our friends have been telling us to, so that you can plan better. It's true, I thought, that after I have the baby I'm not going to want to run out and get organized. I'd rather have everything ready. But I could have a lot of stuff ready anyway, and no matter if it's a boy or a girl, it's getting the blue curtains we already own. 

God has been working in me, calming some fears. I'm still very early in my pregnancy, almost 8 weeks. I feel like I am just supposed to trust and believe for a healthy pregnancy and baby. It's easy for me to believe that God can make that happen. I believe He put this life in me for a reason. But sometimes it hurts so much when I think of several moms, some very close to me, who have lost their babies very recently. I hurt for them, and I don't like not understanding why things happen. Even now it has brought me to tears. Of hurt. anger, almost. So while I am believing for the best for my baby, I have to learn to lay aside my supposed right to understand everything. God knows. I know He gives life, and while I don't know why He lets it be taken away sometimes, He knows. His thoughts are above my thoughts. He has asked me to trust Him, and at the same time, to believe for good things. 

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for." 

Hebrews 11:1-2

Oh, that God would help me to increase my faith in Him. How He loves me, and I have seen that time and again. I have felt Him, and when I have not felt Him, I have known that He still cares and watches over me. Me and baby both.