Thursday, October 15, 2009

thinking out loud.

Last night when we went to church it was the first time that I felt like I looked pregnant, not just fat. In the past week even, I think my belly has made vast improvements in this area. I will be excited when I'm even further past the "is she pregnant or not?" stage.

Already looking forward to Christmas. I'm getting in the spirit of things because I'm putting together a package for the overseas family, and wish I could be there instead. Also, I will be quitting my job in December, right before Christmas. It worked out that way because I didn't want to fight with my boss about Christmas vacation (since we're coming to Wisconsin this year!) and it's about the time I will really not want to do karate anymore anyway. I already feel out of the loop there because I'm not training for my next belt. Can't fall, can't train. But that's ok. I've learned a lot there, and I have a better understanding and appreciation for self defense, and while I've enjoyed my previous training (for the most part) is was my job not my hobby. I will miss the little kids the most, and will go back to visit them sometimes. I will be glad to be done with the office politics (it's everywhere, I'm still amazed by this) and, frankly, the ego trips of a man with an art named after his family that means "the powerful way of Bainton" (his last name). There's some stories there, but I have been grateful for the job and enjoyed it a lot of the time, my boss can be really nice and I have to respect authority. Enough said. 

So, I'm looking forward to Christmas. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life after Christmas until the baby gets here, and here is what I've come up with. Enjoy sleeping my full 8 hours every night. Design! Feel smart again! Get back into photography and really learn more about it. Take some classes that are offered at my church. Volunteer more. Cook good dinners for my loving husband. Write. Keep up with my exercise. Keep reading. Be better about cleaning the house more often... like folding laundry when it comes out of the dryer... Get the baby room ready! And I'm going to enjoy some time to myself. Oh... and finally put together some photo albums.

I'm open to suggestions. At present I am enjoying my ceramics class, feeling good about being able to express my creativity in some way. I feel like people could look at what I've been doing this year and a half and think I was selling myself short. And to be honest, I feel very unintellectually stimulated most days. Oh, I'll whip out a sudoku (had to look up how to spell that) or listen to NPR. I have enjoyed working with the kids, and won't regret that. I've always known that I would want to be a stay-at-home mom, and after growing up I feel blessed that it's actually an option for me. While I don't begrudge working mothers anything, I hope they won't begrudge me. I want to be with my kids, to watch them grow up, to know their everyday little lives. I want to have the time to nurture and be fun and take care of a household. This isn't meant to be some debate on the merits of working moms vs. stay-at-home moms, of course. More power to you if you can work full time and still be a great mom, as most are. A simple little fact is that you can't have it all. I want the time with my kids. I want to teach a simpler life, family oriented and slower paced. I think a lot of the things I want are not entirely respected these days by society in general. But that's ok because Ron and I are on the same page. I also want to challenge myself intellectually and physically during my days at home. If there is one thing I've learned from my older brother and sister it's that kids shouldn't stop you from doing anything! Travel with the baby, camp with the baby, they're pretty good troopers. And I can still make some time for designing/art. 

Just thinking out loud here, really. 

I will get some pictures up someday. Ron has our digital camera at work with him all the time, and he doesn't bring it home and my scanner is down, and I don't develop film well anyway because I am a Burchell. 

belly pictures soon :)