we'll miss him.

It has been a rough start to our weekend, to say the very least. We are sad to report that our dear Harold, who only so recently joined us, has died. I don't write this without emotion, and I have run the gauntlet of them today it seems. 

Yesterday morning (Thursday), Harold was a bit aggressive with me. I thought he was just playing as a kitten does, with claws and teeth. We had our first argument, him and I, as I tried to lay down the rules. Previously in the week I had spent time petting him while he snuggled, or he would chase a toy that we got him. But he wasn't very interested in the toys, and he wouldn't let me pick him up for long without some sort of aggression. I also noticed that his was a bit wobbly or something on his hind legs. Not so much that I was overly concerned, but something was a little off. He also didn't seem interested in much food. I thought he might not be hungry. I have been meaning to get him to the vet, but wanted to make sure he would stay with us first. I was going to schedule an appointment for today or sometime early next week. I was able to hold him gently for a minute before I had to leave for work, hoping he didn't think I was mean for not tolerating the scratching, etc... I even rolled down the window on my way out of the driveway and said "bye, Harold". 

When we got home from work,  Harold wasn't home from his afternoon outside. We were both concerned, because he always bounds up to us from nearby, ready to spend an evening indoors, taking over our couch and attentions. We called and looked, but then went to bed, hoping he would come back. A little before 11, we got out of bed and let Harold in when we heard his meows. He was very unlike himself, it was sad. We didn't know what to do, but tried everything. He was far too aggressive, more than I've ever seen, and he was disoriented. We took him to an emergency animal clinic. The vet, though I felt she was competent at what she did, was not much of a people person. We were, of course, concerned about the possibility of Rabies, and wanted to know more about the disease and how it would pertain to us if worse came to worse and Harold had it. Besides not knowing if Harold would make it through the night, the woman implied that nothing could be done for us in that case. Oh, she mentioned the vaccine, but made it sound like if we were already bit, etc., that was it. She went on to talk about how fascinating it was for her to have watched a show on what Rabies did to a person. I walked out with the impression that (according to vet) if Harold didn't make it, and had Rabies, I would become another interesting case study. We got home after midnight and slept on our worry for Harold and our questions for our own health. We did pray, knowing that God is faithful. We were also ready to take any action to help.

Morning came. I called the clinic, and the non-people person vet ended up telling me very unceremoniously that Harold was, indeed, dead. He died around 4 in the morning. I imagine that he is somewhere up there playing with Carmel and being bossed around by Princess. Several phone calls and a fit of tears over the phone with my doctor later(my wonderful doctor who I love and want to keep for all of time)... and I came across some truths. While we are still waiting on the test results from Harold's untimely end, I have now been reassured of several important things. 

1. Even if I was infected with Rabies, it won't onset for 1-3 months. 

2. Even though it's very serious, we can have vaccines within 24 hours of knowing that we need them. 

3. Even though there's a national shortage and I was getting the runaround this morning while I still thought I might not have much a window to have the vaccine, no one has ever been denied the medicine, nor would I or my husband. 

4. We cannot possibly give it to another person and make them a vaccine. I don't generally share water bottles, but even if I did, it wouldn't be a problem. 

Maybe some of you reading this already know these things and wish you could have shared them with me last night to ease my mind. But for a girl of 23, who's only association with Rabies was a scary childhood book that contained brave soldiers, a little boy, and a frothy dog... it can be a little intimidating. 

All this to say that I was very focused on finding these answers this morning. I had been worried... trying to be at peace genuinely... crying... calm... and was finally just relieved that "case study 2876" wasn't written all over me or Ron. But now things are calmer and I've had a bit of time to think about Harold. I feel sad about him, and wish things could have been different. 

We had Harold for one week, and Ron asked if he was better of for having known us. I said yes. We fed him, gave him attention he craved, got him a plush bed which he loved, and made his last days a little sweeter. I am sad that he didn't understand everything in the end. I suppose things like this just don't make much sense. I only wish we could have held him as he slipped away. Forgive me, dear reader, for going on too much if I am. I don't mean to be morbid, I only wish to get this out. 

I was just getting used to the idea of having a cat. of being responsible. of sharing some of Ron's attention with something else. I did start bonding with Harold, and that first day especially was sweet that he was so affectionate toward me because I needed a friend as I sat outside on the porch step and we enjoying the perfect autumn day together. But I will think of Harold as Ron's cat more, because Ron bonded so well with him immediately. They were buddies. The first night Ron must've checked on him 3 times to make sure he was still in the box we had made up for him, wanting to make sure he felt at home. My grief for Harold has been mixed also with a relief of the things that I found out concerning our health. Ron and I both knew, of course, that we needed to be on top of that. But Ronnie, dearest boy, has been thinking mostly of Harold. He believed that we'd be fine and has had a harder time losing Harold. It has also been a long week at work for him, with little sleep. How I love my Ronnie. 

Please pray for us, that if we do have to undergo vaccination, we will be able to do so in a timely manner. Please pray for us as we think of Harold. I hope you can understand, even though we only had him for a week, we pictured him with us much longer. Pray for my Ron, he had such a soft spot for Harold. Below are some pictures that I am only just getting to put up. The first and last of our little pet. Thank you for cheering us and choosing us, Harold.

Ron and his kitty. Below, Harold enjoying his plush bed for the first time. He noticeably slept in the next morning, just to stay in the bed longer... 

Harold, trying to get inside. There's no picture, but he actually succeeded. There's a small hole at the bottom of that screen. We thought he a little crazy to keep trying this, but he knew what he was doing.

Loved that little face.